Everything begins with a wish. Some wishes are silent and unsaid. Today I am wishing to live once more. I don’t want to die. No, I do not have some life threatening illness; but there are many types of death. Some people die even before their body stops breathing and heart stops beating. 

Arundhati Roy wrote, “the only dream worth having … is that you will live while you are alive and die only when you are dead.”  To be honest, I didn’t understand the true meaning of the statement or it’s gravity.  But today it makes so much more sense.  Today I understand the meaning of dying while still being alive. It can be argued otherwise, but I will claim that I breath, that my heart beats, and that blood courses through my arteries and veins.  But inside I feel completely dead. I feel as if every part of me that once made me who I was has now vanished. I want it all back. It belongs to me…all of it. I had gotten that with God’s grace. I lost it somehow but I now I want it back. I hope it is not too late.